Proof of Invisibility

We've all felt it.  That feeling of being completely alone and ignored even in a room full of people.  It was one of my biggest challenges with my job.  I am a para-educator (teacher's aide).  I am part of the special education team.  I am part of a group of other para-educators.  But because I follow a single student, I am often "forgotten" or overlooked when there are department meetings or trainings.  My contract runs differently from the other aides.  If my student is absent, I am sent home.  I fought endlessly to be recognized and included in meetings and trainings.  I am required to have 20 hours of continuing education, yet my contract reads that if my student isn't in attendance, I am not to report to work.  I've had to be my own advocate and demand that I be paid for mandatory inservice hours.  I've had to demand to be compensated for working through my lunch break because the administration didn't see it as a priority to find coverage in order for me to have my mandated break.  My many requests for coverage went ignored so eventually I finally stopped making them, and insisting I be paid for the half hour break I was denied.  You can imagine the resistance I encountered.  A gentle reminder about labor laws and mandatory breaks changed their minds about paying me.  It's been a struggle....

I was delusional and convinced myself that the reason I was "ignored" was because I wasn't a regular classroom aide.  I didn't have the same schedule or duties as a typical aide, therefore I was often overlooked when memos and information was shared.  I even had to have not one but two meetings last year with our new principal just to be put on his staff email chain for daily updates.  It took him 3 months to do that.  I was never informed of department meetings.  What makes this worse is that my own sister is a teacher in my department! 

My surgery was on September 10th.  I came back to school in August in order to prepare my student for the transition into the new school year, get her comfortable with her new schedule and teachers, and ease the switch to a long-term substitute aide.  I had already lost 50 lbs at the start of school, and had my once long, curly hair cut short and straightened.  I saw almost every teacher at our small school at our back to school inservice meetings.  I passed many of them in the hall when classes started.  I spoke to many of them individually before taking my leave of absence.

Only 3 people bothered to call/check in with me while I was out.  My sister did say many would ask her about me, but only THREE bothered to call/email themselves.

Imagine my shock when I returned from surgery having lost another 25 lbs and these same teachers whom I had seen just 5 weeks earlier were coming up to me and commenting on how "good" I looked.  Many of them were aware of the surgery so it wasn't unexpected.  The biggest shock, however, was how many of them commented on how much they loved my hair cut!?!  I had the same hair cut for the two weeks I was here before having the surgery.  At least 4 of the people who commented on my haircut were ones I talked to EVERY DAY before leaving.  Did I miss something?  Obviously THEY did. 

So that is my proof of invisibility. Nobody even noticed my haircut until I came back and they KNEW about the surgery.

Makes me wish I was still invisible....

Bronchitis: Knew it wasn't "just a cold"

Two weeks ago I went to the doc with flu-like symptoms.  He said it was just a cold, and gave me cough syrup with codeine.  Worked for a while, started feeling better.  Went to the gym one night and the next morning I was worse.

Monday I went back because it just wasn't getting any better.  Saw the new doc (my PCP is leaving the practice) and she called it "double ear infection, sinusitis, and URI".  Gave me amoxicillan elixir to try. 

This morning I woke up and could feel the congestion in my chest and the rattle when I cough.  Called for another appointment...

Saw the new doc again.  She did a flu swap and strep swap, both negative.  She decided this time to call it "severe bronchitis".  Gave me a breathing treatment which helped.  Ordered a chest xray to rule out pneumonia (will have results tomorrow but I bet it is positive, I've had it before). 

So I am out of work for the rest of this week as well.  I was supposed to go back last Friday after my surgery leave, but that never happened...

I hope I still have a job after all of this! 

I just want this to go away so I can enjoy how good it feels to have the RNY!  I was feeling great until I got sick two weeks ago!

A size WHAT?!?

Well! Wednesday I went to Salvation Army to take advantage of their half price sale. I needed new clothes to go back to work. Found some great buys in several different sizes. Bought some 22's and some 18's.

This morning I decided to try on some of the smaller sizes just to see how far away I was... OMG the 18s FIT! Granted they are super tight, but I got them over my butt, buttoned AND zipped without straining!! Too tight to wear yet, but they were on! How the heck did I go from a 26W to an 18 in a month???? OMG I am SO EXCITED!!

Yesterday was my one month surgiversary. I'm down 26 pounds since the surgery! Five of those just the past few days! Definitely broke that stupid stall!

Frustrated aka the 3 week stall

Pre-op I sat here reading all these posts on OH about the "3 week stall" and told myself I wouldn't let it freak me out.  Well, no matter how prepared you think you are, some mind games still aren't preventable.

I lost 20 lbs in the first two weeks following my surgery.  I was SO excited!  The third week hit, and NADA.  Well, not exactly nada, but I've managed to gain and lose the same stupid 2 pounds for the past two weeks.

I know in my head that it is normal, and that my "monthly friend" has a lot to do with it, but it's still frustrating. I've also been fighting an "upper respiratory virus" for the past two weeks, so haven't been able to exercise like I want to.  I've only been to the fitness center once in the past two weeks, and felt terrible the next day.  I had thought I was completely over the virus, but guess not.

So this morning I weighed 257, which is 22 pounds less than what I weighed a month ago the morning of surgery.  In one way I am thrilled I lost that much, in another I am frustrated feeling the last two weeks have really derailed me.  I'm frustrated thinking that this is it, that's all I'm EVER going to lose, even though I know it will start back up.  I've read so much info on what to expect and what to do to break the stalls, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

I do go visit the nutritionist today for my one month follow up.  Hopefully she'll have some words of wisdom for me.  There is also a support group meeting at Dr. T's, but I don't think I should go and infect anyone.  The last thing I want to do is give this to anyone who is pre-op or newly post op!

If anyone has any tips or words of wisdom, please kick me in the butt!

Three weeks since surgery, down 20lbs!

I still can't believe it.  I'm down 20lbs already! 

Went shopping the other day to kill time while my son was at a birthday party.  Decided to try on some clothes just for the heck of it.  I actually got a size 22W on, but they were tight so I didn't buy them (even though I know they'll fit soon enough.)  I did, however, find a pair of stretch knit pants on clearance in an 18W/20W that did fit and will fit for a while, so bought those.  I also bought a shirt in a 2X.  I started this journey out at a 26/28W pants and a 3-4X shirt depending on the cut!

Here are some progress pictures... the one with the tie dye shirt is from the summer of '08 right before convention.  This was at my highest weight of 330lbs.

And this is me 68.2 pounds lighter wearing the outfit I bought the other night.  Current weight is 260.2...

I am so happy with my Roux En Y!

Surgery update!

Ok, I want to go back and update on what all happened this past week, so let's rewind to Thursday morning, Sept. 10th... my "re-birthday"....

Mom picked me up at 6 to take me to the hospital.  Paul was just getting off work and met us there.  We checked in at ambulatory surgery at 6:50.  Of course you're never just rushed through anything, so we were in a holding room for a while.  My dad came in about 8:30 after getting my nephew on the bus.  About 15 minutes later, they came to get me.

They wheeled me down the hall and showed my husband and parents where they could wait. I said good-bye and told them I loved them.  I wasn't a bit nervous until that point.  What if I didn't wake up?  Was Paul ready to take over on his own?  Would he know what to do about Devan's medications and routine? What if.... what if.....

So the trip back to the OR was made in tears.  They put me in yet another holding room all by myself.  Soon the anesthesiologist and his tech came in to explain what they were doing and ask me some questions... typical, textbook stuff.  Anesthesiologist left me with the tech.... Poor kid knew I was scared, and kept walking to the door to see where the nurses were.  I could tell I was making HIM nervous, too. 

Finally one of the OR nurses comes in, and the tech makes a hasty departure.  Can't say as I blame him!  The nurse is looking at my chart and says... "Tina Jesse".... Well, I was a bit taken aback because I KNEW my chart had my married name on it, yet she had just used my maiden name... Low and behold I looked up to realize it was an old school friend I hadn't seen in over 20 years!  I was instantly put at ease.  She was going to be with me the entire surgery!  I had every confidence in my surgeon, but there is just something about feeling like you're going through this alone!  With Erin there, I felt SO much better!

The tech comes back with the anesthesiologist and off we go to the OR.  I remember getting into the room, and the gurney being pushed up to the table, but don't remember anything after that. 

Next thing I know, I'm waking up in the recovery room.  It's just after noon, and I was taken in around 9, so not too bad! 

The first 45 minutes were agony, but Jim, the recovery RN, was FABULOUS!  He talked to me the entire time, told me exactly what he was doing, swabbed my mouth before I even said I needed it... what a great nurse!  I was beginning to feel better, and the pain wasn't as bad as I expected.  I did end up down there for 3 hours, though, because the room they assigned me to was still occupied.  They needed to have it cleaned once the patient finally left.  I was fine where I was, Jim took great care of me.  My husband and parents were kept informed about my progress and the delay, so all was good.

Finally get up to my room and get settled.  I won't go into all the little details, but I will say that I was very impressed by the staff at Wilson Regional.  They were superb!  The first day was pretty rough, but that wonderful button every 15 minutes was great!  The first day all I could have were ice chips.  DO NOT eat ice chips post RNY.  I knew this ahead of time so I was prepared.  Let them melt in your mouth before swallowing, otherwise your new pouch will cramp. 

The morning of day 2, I was pretty much getting around very well.  I had already walked the unit, and positioning myself in bed was uncomfortable but not awful.  The radiologist came to get me for my swallow study to see if I had any leaks....

Well, if you've read my blog, you know the funny story about the first swallow study, so I wasn't too concerned about this one.  Let me tell you though, it's a whole 'nother ball game when you're post op.  First, that table is SO high and HARD.  Then they want you to drink a mouthful of that gross stuff (this was different than the barium from the pre-op tests).  Let me tell ya, after not being allowed anything but ice, and having a stomach the size of a golf ball, that was the worst experience I've ever had!  THEN they have you roll on your side and try to drink another mouthful.  First of all, you're not really supposed to drink more than an ounce every 15 minutes (think medicine cup size) so I was already feeling like my pouch would explode.  Second, I couldn't bend my left arm because of the IV, and the X-ray tech kept spilling the stuff down my face and neck instead of getting it in my mouth. 

Well, I finally get it all down and the pictures taken, and they move the bed again, making me sick to my stomach.  So I'm trying desperately to get out from under the machine so I can sit up.  I barely got upright and threw up.  Luckily I warned the tech and she had a basin ready for me.  I was so scared I was going to pop a stitch in my new pouch and have to go through the whole process again!

Once I got back to my room, I was fine.  Went in and got cleaned up.  Back in bed and snoozed.  When I woke up, the nurse told me everything looked fine, and they were advancing to clear liquids.  I called down to room service (isn't that cool??  You can order what you want, WHEN you want instead of waiting for the trays to come around.  What a great thing THAT was!).  Anyway, I ordered sugar free jello and chicken broth...  It took me an 8 hour shift to eat one ounce of jello!  I couldn't finish one ounce of water in 15 minutes.  The restriction is THAT good!

Spent a couple more days in the hospital just to make sure I was feeling up to being home.  Came home Sunday...

The past week has been pretty uneventful.  Had a crying spell on Tuesday, I just wanted to CHEW something.  Talked to some of my support buddies and they said to get sugar free Popsicle's and fudgesicles.  What a relief!  I was never fond of popsicles, but they've been a blessing!  AND they count in my fluid intake!

Tuesday I drove the kids to youth group.  I haven't been using Vicodin except at bedtime, so was ok to drive.  Went for a walk to visit my sister, and had to have a ride home.  After 2 blocks I was done in.

Wednesday I attended a support group meeting and saw some great friends.  Everyone was so helpful and encouraging.  I'm so happy I have such a wonderful support network!

Today, Friday, was my first post-op visit... I took the boys to school and went in to say hello.  Everyone was shocked to see me, and telling me how great I look.  It was so nice to hear! I do feel wonderful.  Very little discomfort, only when I drink something too cold or too fast.  I get very tired very easily, so have to watch it.

Off to the appointment... Dr. Tvetenstrand's nurse, Lin, calls me back and tells me how great I look.  We chatted for a bit, and she weighs me....

I'm down 11.5 lbs since surgery!!  That makes a total loss to date of 62.5lbs!

Dr. Tvetenstrand said everything looks great, can't believe how fast my incisions have healed, and wants to see me in another month.  I can start back at the fitness center next Friday!

Stopped to see my mom and share the good news, and her co-workers (my second family, I've known them my whole life) were all saying they could see the loss already, how great I look, etc.  I am just over the moon happy! 

I wish I had done this 10 years ago!

Pre-op liquids day 3...

Well, so far so good, but I am HUNGRY today!

Last night we had our yearly fish fry at mom and dad's for the holiday. I was completely amazed at how much was on my plate after weighing it! Six ounces doesn't sound like a lot, but when you have fish fillets it is! It was delicious! Had 4oz fish and 2oz asparagus. Stayed away from the fries and hush puppies. For dessert I had sugar free jello and watermelon, both allowed in any quantity because it's considered a clear liquid.

Today I think I am hungry for two reasons.... this may be TMI, but my monthly visitor is here. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually relieved she's early! Now I won't have to deal with it immediately post-op.

Another reason is that I've been cleaning out my closet. I can't believe how many clothes I had. I have two huge garbage bags for Free Cycle. I also found many items that I'll still be able to wear for a bit post-op. Shouldn't have to buy much of anything for a couple months until I get below the plus sizes... being a hoarder finally paid off LOL! All of those "I'll fit back into this eventually" items will now be put to use!

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I'm really excited, but worried about my student. She cried all day Friday. She knows what is going on, and is more nervous than I am I think. I promised her that I would call her Thursday afternoon so she knows I'm ok. Luckily she has my sister 10th period at school so I can talk to her then.

Her mom is also a very good friend of mine, and has also had the RNY. I keep reminding her that her mommy had the surgery and did fine. That seems to help. Poor kid! I know she'll be fine once she gets into the new routine with my long-term sub. I still don't know who that is going to be yet.

I also applied for another position at the school. The health clerk position opened up, and that is what I originally wanted to do. It is what I did when I lived in Colorado, and I absolutely loved it. We'll see what happens. I stated in my letter of interest that I hoped they wouldn't disqualify me from the selection process based on my leave of absence. Since I have 2 years past experience and am already an employee, here's hoping they do the right thing... unfortunately we have a new administrator and sometimes his version of the right thing and ours doesn't always mesh.

Well, back to the sorting and cleaning. I haven't had the "nesting" instinct like this since my youngest was born 12 years ago!